Formerly one to sneer at conspiracy theories as fodder for Hollywood directors (Oliver Stone, anyone?) and Idahoan militias, I have finally given in and come up with one of my own. The September 11th attacks were not really an act of international terrorism, but really a massive distraction ploy to divert attention from the real terrorist ass-rapings being conducted by the NYPD (I'm not making that part up, go look)...ok, ok, maybe that’s a little far-fetched.

        Still, though, we’re so obsessed as a nation with the terrorist-of-middle-eastern-extraction under the bed, that we’ve forgotten to be outraged by the terrorists with badges in whom we have invested still GREATER power over the American in the street. I know that there are good cops out there, haven’t met any, but statistically, I’m sure they exist. I’m talking specifically with respect to the rest of them...who I am sure are slavering at the development of the Homeland Security Department and the constantly-accelerating unraveling of annoying constitutional details like EVIDENCE and DUE PROCESS. Has anyone noticed how much a bully-stick resembles a broomstick? Do you think we can at least get cops to carry lube?