Meet this heer redneck BillyJoeBob we got hired up a cuppla weekz ugo.  He usshurs us that he kin give tha best damm advises you ever done seed.

Dear BillyJoeBob,
wife done left me, what do I do?
anonymous

Dear anonymous,
What kind of name is 'anonymous', anyhere? Yer not some kind of terrorist are ya? First of all, might I suggest you go to yor local bar. Ever man knows the first step to emotional recovery is in the bottle. While yer there you might even find a woman to make you feel all better. If that don't werk...might I suggest a family reunion?

Dear BillyJoeBob,

My boyfriend asked "me" to get a girlfriend for "us" to share. I said ok, but that I would also like for "him" to get a boyfriend for us to share and he said (to put it nicely) no. How can I get him to change his minde?

Scincerly, sqwa

Dear sqwa,

As u know it is natural for menz to want to see two wimmenz together(and if you have any pichurs of that please forward em on)...but when it comes to two menz that'z just simply unnormal.  Now I don't know where u comez from, but here in the South that dawg just don't hunt.  If yor planning to change his mind, might I suggest a heep a Jack Daniels and a baseball bat.  Good luck in yor indever and let us know how it all turnz out, ya heer?

Dear BillyJoeBob,

I was wundrin if you had any decorating tpis.  I think I have a lot to work with here, but I watn to you no, fix it up a lil bit. Thanx for any help you got.

jettie mae

Dear Jettie Mae,

Thatz a dam nice name you got there, by the way.  I guess my first sugestshun would be to get that dawg some curtains, you know, to go with the lovely onsombul you have hangin in that thar window.  I have to commend you on that lovely lettuce work on the front porch, and as I don't see the dawg in that pikshure, I guess that's probably where he hangs out on those hot days.  I guess the next thang would be to take the warshin bucket off the air conditioner and replace it with some cars or used appliances in the yard.  Nothin shows soshul status better than by how many cars and appliances you got...go ahead put in the yard so everyone can see.